It has been a long time since I've blogged here. While some it was due to winter and depression, a major portion of it was due to my just being bone-tired of the constant battle and discourse going on inside me about God, faith, church and me. I've been wrestling with God for years now. Too many years perhaps but at least a number of years and I'm still doing it. Maybe the past few months have been the resting time, the re-grouping time, or the re-configuring. I haven't figure it out yet.
Today a friend said something that sparked an image for me, and maybe that image helps me understand where I am and accept it. He quoted Augustine, church father and man of severally chequered past. In his writing, Augustine famously said that "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."
Restless heart.
Yup.
The image that I formed was that of an old dog. Ever watch a dog get ready to lie down and take a nap? The go around in circles, first one way and then the next. They lay down, get up again, circle again, and the dance continues until they finally have it just so....and then they're out.
I think I'm a dog with God.
I keep going around and around, trying to get comfortable, to find my spot. There are so many things that confuse, trouble, perplex me. From the Godhead (if Christ is God made flesh, why do we so emphasize him being Son, wasn't that a figure of speech we've gotten too literal about?), to what it takes to be saved (call on Jesus? Confess and repent? Believe? Demonstrate fruits? What?) to the "rules" of life (it's grace, it's works, it's both, it's neither).
I'm seriously thinking that my former love was right. She said, with all her flaws, struggles, hurts, that it was really simple. " God is love. Dont'' be a schmuck". Maybe she's on to something. I doubt that I'll stop my ruminating, but maybe if I just hold onto it, I'll be okay.
God is love. Don't be schmuck
Maybe this is what this dog needs to see about God.
